Into the Grey
by Lola-2011
Summary: Erin reconsiders Hotch's offer to talk about what's behind her leave of absence. She confides in him and he drives her to the clinic and helps her check in privately. When Erin returns five months later sober, widowed, and visibly pregnant they struggle to find balance in both their personal and professional lives. Not a Strauss/Hotchner romance.
1. Chapter 1

Into the Grey

Erin swirled her fingertip around the smooth rim of the glass of scotch that sat on the bar in front of her. She had even picked the glass up a few times but so far she had managed, by some divine power, not to raise it to her lips. God, she felt as though she was at rock bottom. Everything was on the line. It was the first time in a long time she felt as though she didn't have any control. And she absolutely hated that feeling of helplessness.

Aaron Hotchner slid onto the bar stool beside of her. They were silent for a few moments. Weighing the uneasiness between them. "I'm glad you called."

"Thanks for coming." she had yet to actually look at him.

"So what's going on?" he eased into the question. "Something at the office or home?"

"Both." she exhaled heavily. She pushed her glass of scotch across the bar to him. "My biggest enemy to date. And lately he's winning."

"Bartender." he called getting the young man's attention. "Take this away and bring us two club sodas with a twist of lime." he turned his attention back to his boss. "How long?"

"College." she replied, finally letting her eyes meet his. "It's been an on and off battle for years but I've managed to fight it. To keep it under control. But as of late I can't. A drink at lunch turned into two and then a drink in the afternoon at the office. Three when I get home in the evenings. Another before bed. This cannot continue."

"Rehab." he concluded. "That's a brave decision."

"I don't know about brave. I'm terrified." she told him. "But I have to go. I need to go. I want help. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this purgatory. It's exhausting."

"When do you leave?"

Two club sodas appeared in front of them and she picked one up. "In the morning." she sipped from small straw. "I thought it would be best to leave from the hotel. If I left from home with Grant and the kids I don't know if I'd have the strength to do it. The courage, really

Aaron nodded. "Is Grant going to drive you?"

"No." she replied. "This is something I need to do myself."

He took a drink of the club soda. "Is everything all right?"

"With Grant?" she asked. "Not as great as it used to be. Between his campaigning and my drinking we've kind of drifted apart. Divorce is imminent."

"It doesn't have to be." he offered. "I'm sure you could work things out."

Erin shrugged. "I'm not so sure I want to." she told him. "I love Grant, I really do. But I need a fresh start. We both do."

"You may feel differently after your treatment."

"Perhaps." she replied. "Time will tell."

"Why don't we get some dinner?" he suggested. "I'd much rather talk over halibut than club soda."

"What about Jack?"

"He's with his grandparents for the weekend." he told her. "Besides I haven't had dinner and I hate to eat alone." he tried to convince her. "And we don't have to talk about your drinking. We can talk about whatever you want."

Erin considered it. She had already opened herself up to him much more than she ever anticipated. "Okay." she finally agreed. "No work talk though, okay?"

Aaron nodded. "Deal."

/

He keyed open her hotel room allowing her to enter and then closing it behind them. He watched as she sat down on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes, letting them hit the patterned carpet. He headed for the mini fridge, opening the door to take stock of the contents.

"I've already taken care of that." she told him. "Nothing left but water and club soda. And peanuts I guess."

Aaron closed the fridge. "Are you sure you're going to be alright here alone?"

"I think I can manage." she replied.

"I could stay if you like."

Erin shook her head. "I don't think that would be a very good idea."

"Why not?"

She looked up at him. "Because I'm incredibly vulnerable and you've already been so kind. Probably more so than I deserve."

"I think you and I both have a rather unhealthy habit of keeping our guard up. Too high at that."

"I could agree with that."

"I know the difference between Chief Strauss and Erin Collins." he reached out for her hands, pulling her to a standing position. "I always have. I've seen you with your husband and with your children and I know there's much more to you than the role you play at the office."

"I don't want your pity Aaron." she said. "In fact I couldn't bare it."

He shook his head. "I'm not offering you pity." His voice was firm yet caring at the same time. "I'm offering you comfort. Question is: can you accept it?"

tbc...

Please review. This story feels to be 6 to 8 chapters as of now.


	2. Chapter 2

Into the Grey

The doctor stuffed his hands into his white lab coat. "Mrs. Collins, I've ran the test three times now." he told her. "It's been conclusive every time. You _are_ pregnant."

Erin bit back tears. "This _cannot_ be." she relaxed back into the chair. Needed the support of the back.

"I know this must be a bit of a surprise."

She arched a defined eyebrow. "A bit of a surprise?" she repeated. "No, this is huge, Dr. Hansen."

"I assure you you're not alone in this situation. Lot's of women find themselves pregnant in their mid forties. They automatically assume that they're no longer fertile because menopause is right around the corner."

"My grandmother had her last baby at 48." she told him. "I know it's possible. I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Especially whilst on the pill."

Dr. Hansen flipped back through her chart. "You took antibiotics for a bladder infection about nine weeks ago."

The knowledge flooded Erin like a slap in the face. Of course she has just finished a round of antibiotics and she was more than aware they interfered with her birth control . With everything going on it just slipped her mind.

"Let's get you into ultrasound and we'll find out how far along you are." he told her. "We'll take things from there. Would you like to call your husband?"

Erin shook her head. "I want to get all the information about the pregnancy first."

Dr. Hansen nodded. "Of course."

/

Erin glanced at the calender on the wall. It was her thirty sixth day in rehab. And while she struggled at times she was incredibly proud of herself for being able to stick it out. To ask for help when she needed it. Her eyes moved down to the sonogram in her hand. There wasn't much to look at being only slightly more than seven weeks along but there was a definite heartbeat. A strong, loud, thumping that still resounded in her ears.

A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. She laid the sonogram down on the table and went to open the door. Aaron Hotchner was on the other side, a bouquet of daffodil's in hand.

Her features immediately fell. "Hotch, I wasn't expecting you."

"I know, I left the office early and I thought I would swing by and surprise you. I thought we could have dinner." he made his way into her room. "Is something wrong, Erin?"

"Uh, you could say that." she looked down at the floor. "I got a little bit of unexpected news and I'm not really doing that well with processing it."

He took her hands in his. Just like he had done that night at the hotel. "What is it?" he asked. "Maybe I can help you out."

Her eyes met his. And they were so kind and concerned. She didn't have the guts to tell him, but she didn't have the heart to keep it from him. "You've been so good to me these past several weeks, Aaron."

He smiled. "Hey that's what friends are for, right?"

She tired to smile back at him but it was fleeting at best. "My news affects you too."

"Something with work?"

Erin shook her head. "No." she bit at her bottom lip. "I hope you mean what you said before about being friends because..."

He moved his hands so that they were tenderly cupping her face. "No secrets, okay? That's what this entire thing has been about." he reminded her. "Just tell me what's going on."

Her green eyes searched his dark ones. She knew that what he was saying was true. He was her friend. And he cared about her. And she just needed to bite the bullet and let the words come out of her mouth. Her eyes welled up with tears and her voice came out like a whisper. "I'm pregnant."

He immediately pulled her into his arms. Hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she finally let it all out. He held her close, rubbing soothing circles onto her back. "It's okay." he whispered into her hair. "It's going to be okay."

"How?" she asked through sobs. "How is this ever going to be okay?"

"Hey, look at me." he said, tilting her chin up with his fingers. "So this isn't the most conventional way to have a baby, but we can make this work. If you want." he wiped at the tears on her face. "Do you want to continue this pregnancy, Erin?"

"I don't know." she answered, honestly. "I want to know how you feel about this. And I want you to be completely honest with me."

He took her by the hand and lead her over to the sofa. "I will support whatever decision you make. It's your body and no one, myself included, should influence your decision in any way."

"Thank you for saying that." she smiled, slightly. "But I want to know how you feel. Just be honest."

He nodded. "Okay." he breathed out. "I'm a little surprised. I wasn't expecting to have another child at this point in my life. Just as I'm sure you weren't either. But I do not hate the idea. It may take me a little while to wrap my head around it but I think this could be a really good thing. What really matters here is what you want. And I will stand by whatever decision that is."

"I need some time."

"I understand."

She got up and went over to the table, picking up the sonogram. "Not much to see, but the heartbeat was strong." she crossed the room and handed it to him.

He couldn't help but smile as he looked over the scan. There was something about the promise and the innocence that a new life held. "It could be so easy to fall in love with this baby."

Erin nodded her agreement. "I know." she replied. "I tried to remain neutral but hearing the heartbeat was...reaffirming for me. Life is a gift. It's meant to be well lived and happy. And a little messy I suppose."

"Speaking of messy, have you told Grant?"

"Not yet." she told him. "It was always my intention to tell you first. I just didn't plan on you showing up here today. I've only known for a few hours. Feels like a whirlwind."

"Well then let's slow the pace down a little." he suggested. "Let's get some dinner and just catch up a little. I'll fill you in on some work things if you'd like. A little healthy office gossip and Jack's latest soccer game."

Erin smiled. "Okay but let's start with Jack."

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Into the Grey

Mr. and Mrs. Collins were on opposite sides of the room. She thought it best for when she worked up the courage to tell him. "I'm pregnant, Grant." there she had said it. She had finally gotten the words out of her mouth.

The room grew eerily silent. And she waited. Waited for her husband's reaction to her news. And time seemed to be dragging by.

"How far along?" he finally asked.

Erin raised her eyes to meet his. "About eight weeks."

Grant nodded, running his hand through silver locks. "Are you sure you're not more like eleven or twelve weeks?"

"The ultrasound confirmed it." she told him. "It happened the night before I checked in here."

"I see."

"I didn't plan this, Grant." she explained. "Not a one night stand and sure as hell not a pregnancy at this point in our lives. My life." she admitted. "I'm not sure where I stand anywhere right now."

"The father?"

"A colleague." she told him, honestly. There was no reason to lie. "Aaron Hotchner. I haven't decided if I'm going to have the...continue the pregnancy or not. Aaron said he would be supportive either way."

"Of course."

Erin felt like bursting into tears. She wasn't sure how Grant's reaction was going to go but his calm demeanor was almost more than she could bear. "Dammit, Grant say something." she replied. "Yell, scream, something. Anything."

"We're still married, Erin." he told her. "I may not have been the most supportive husband as of late but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I know I should have been there more."

She narrowed her eyes at him. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around what was happening between them. She had been married to this man for almost eighteen years. And not once had he ever claimed defeat so easily. And graciously at that. "You're taking responsibility for my fuck up?" she asked, amazed. "I slept with a colleague, a subordinate at that, out of...I don't know...vulnerability and for comfort and you're standing here telling me that it's okay?"

"Now hold up, Erin." his voice raised a little. "I never said it was okay. But there's nothing we can do about it now. What's done is done. And you're pregnant. Right now we just need to focus on your sobriety and your health."

"You would support this pregnancy?"

"Would it make you feel better if I acted like a complete asshole and demanded you get an abortion?" he asked. "Would you prefer that we yell and throw things? Because we're not those people, Erin."

She exhaled, heavily. "God this is such a mess."

"Look, we're both mature, rational, people." he started. "It's not an ideal situation but we can make it through this and come out on the other side. Together. Our marriage has been a little rocky this past year, but that doesn't mean we can't get it back on track. I mean I'm mad, I'm furious, but being angry isn't going to change the situation."

"So you want to stay married?" she asked. "Really married, not this shitty charade we've been holding up?"

"It's what I want." he pulled her closer to him. "I love you, Erin. We've made mistakes in our marriage and we'll probably make more. Is this not what you want, too?"

"I don't know." she said through tears. "I just feel so incredibly guilty."

Grant pressed a kiss against her temple. "I feel guilty for a lot of things too." he confessed. "You know that fresh start you were talking about before you came here? You were right, that's what we both need. A fresh start together, not apart."

"I don't know, Grant." she confessed. "I'm not sure staying married is the right thing. I'm not sure of anything right now. Our marriage, my career, this baby. I need some time."

He nodded. "Let's get through one thing at a time for now." he suggested. "Right now your sobriety is the most important thing. You need to focus on yourself. Everything else can and will wait, Erin. The kids miss you like crazy but they know that you're going to come back stronger and healthier. So does your colleagues. As for your pregnancy this should be a decision that you and Agent Hotchner make together."

Erin knew that he was right. On all levels. But especially on the decision of the baby. It was her body but it was a decision that they would both have to live with for the rest of their lives.

/

The garden was serene. And he knew that she brought them out there for a reason. There was a calmness about it. A delicateness that she seemed to blossom in. Together they sat down on first bench they came to.

"How do you feel?" he eased into the situation. It had been eleven days since he learned of her pregnancy. And they hadn't actually spoken since he left her room that evening. A few text messages here and there but that was it. He didn't want to pressure her. Or influence her decision in any way.

"Morning sickness has come out of nowhere." she told him. "I feel like I'm on a boat most of the day."

His eyes cast down at her still flat abdomen. She was over nine weeks now. Everyday that passed gave him more hope that she would continue the pregnancy. But he knew that it was a difficult time for her. An incredibly difficult situation to be in.

"Have you talked to Grant?"

Erin nodded. "I have." she replied. "It went surprisingly well. I think he somehow feels partly responsible for my drinking. Which he shouldn't, that's all on me. He wants to stay married."

"What do you want?"

"I love Grant. I've loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him twenty years ago." she told him. "But sometimes not all the love in the world can make a relationship work. The more sober days I put behind me the more I realize that he and I need to be apart. It's healthier for us and for our children."

"I want you to be healthy and sober." he said, softly. "I don't want anything to complicate this journey for you, Erin."

"Thank you." she was sincere. "The easy thing to do would be terminate the pregnancy. You have a young son who has already been through so much. I have a husband who's a congressman and children who are going to understand all too well what happened between us."

"I take it you've made a decision?" he was bracing himself for her answer.

Erin shook her head ever so slightly. "When I was talking to Grant he told me that this was a decision that you and I should make together. And he's right, Aaron. We both need to talk this out."

He took her hand in his. "This has consumed my thoughts since you told me."

"And you think it hasn't consumed mine?" she asked. "This has been eating me alive since the moment Dr. Hansen told me."

His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest it was hammering so hard. "I want you to have the baby." he confessed. "I know that this wasn't planned and that the situation isn't ideal, but it's what I want. I know that I'm being selfish but we agreed to be honest with each other."

She closed her eyes in attempt to keep from crying but her body betrayed her and hot tears spilled down her cheeks. "That's what I want too." she said, softly. "Besides when have you ever known me to take the easy way out?"

"Never." he pressed a kiss into her hair. "If you did then you wouldn't be here getting help. And we wouldn't be having a baby."

Erin wiped at her tears. "Having a baby." she repeated. "God, that sounds so odd."

He retrieved the handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. "We have some time to get used to it."

She wiped at her eyes. "This mascara will never come out."

"That's quite alright." he smiled. "It's the least I can do."

Erin laughed. "Do you remember when I was pregnant with Olivia?"

"Mmm hmm." he nodded. "That was the year of seven assistants."

"Well this time you'll be on the opposite end." she told him. "Ben and Jerry runs at midnight. Consoling me when I burst into tears for absolutely no reason. Endless shopping for maternity clothes."

"I think I can handle that."

"You'll still get to smooth things out with the other agents when my hormones flare. Just like with my last two pregnancies."

Aaron smiled. "I think I'm up for the challenge."

"I'm going to need your support on this, Aaron." she told him, honestly. "A lot of change is happening quickly."

"I've got you." he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. "We're in this together. A hundred and ten percent."

"My next appointment is in three weeks. They're going to do another ultrasound to look at the baby's development."

"I'll clear my schedule."

tbc...

Please review. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Into the Grey

Congressman Grant Collins straightened his bow tie in the hall mirror. There was a charity event on the Hill and he wanted to arrive a little early. He knocked on the open master bedroom door. "Erin?" he called out. "Need any help?"

"Could you zip me up?" she came out of the walk-in in a stunning navy gown.

"Lovely choice." he smiled. "Fits great."

"That remains to be seen." she told him. "Finger crossed it zips. I think I did irreparable damage to my favorite black dress."

There were many favorite black dresses. "Which one?"

Erin turned her bare back toward him. "The off the shoulder one with the jewels at the strap."

"Ah, the Grecian Goddess."

"I don't think Goddesses wear black, Grant."

He zipped the dress up effortlessly. "Sure they can." his hands lingered over the smooth skin of her shoulders. Her hair was swept up and there was something positively inviting about the pale flesh or her neck. "We'll get you another one." his breath was warm against her as he spoke.

Erin slipped out of his embrace. "We don't want to be late." she smoothed her dress out in the mirror. The empire waist hiding the beginnings of her rounded lower abdomen.

"Why do you do that?"

Her eyes met his in the mirror. "Do what?"

"Pull away from me like that?"

She cast her eyes away from his, checking her hair and her makeup. "You walk on eggshells with me. Afraid of tipping my sobriety cart. You feel a duty and a responsibility to me. And you shouldn't."

"You've come so far, Erin. I just don't want you to back track." he admitted. "I don't want to be the reason you stumble."

"I appreciate that, Grant. I really and honestly do, but this isn't right." she told him. "It isn't fair to either of us. Especially you."

"Life isn't fair." he told her. "We both know that."

Erin turned to face him. "I'm carrying another man's baby." her voice was low. "I know it's killing you. And the more the pregnancy progresses the more it's going to hurt. Both of us."

"I know." he admitted. "But I also know that you had an error in judgement, not a long standing affair with Agent Hotchner."

"We've both had a few errors in judgements."

"That we have." he agreed. "And we've always come out on the other side."

"Yes but this error in judgement resulted in a baby." she told him. "In five months there's going to be a tangible reminder."

Grant shook his head. "I don't know what you want me to do, Erin."

"I want to know why all of the sudden our marriage is magically fixed?" she asked him. "How talking about separation and divorce not even six months ago is no longer mentioned?"

"I'm trying to be supportive here, Erin."

"Feels more like enabling, Grant." she told him. "I've got to be able to stand on my own two feet. And before you ask I would be saying this even if I weren't pregnant. I love you, but this isn't working. It hasn't for a while."

As angry and hurt as he had been about her infidelity and subsequent pregnancy he couldn't bring himself to lash out at her. He didn't want to undo all the work she had done while she was in treatment. "I don't want to leave you alone and vulnerable." he said. "You've made amazing progress."

"And I'm going to keep making progress." she assured him. "You've been so supportive throughout all this. It's been so unfair to you. Any other man would have just up and left."

"I'm not any other man."

"I know that." she replied, softly. "That's why I know that we can do this amicably with as little damage done to our children as possible."

Grant nodded his agreement. "We'll do this slowly." he told her. "Make the transition easier."

"Thank you." she whispered.

His hands came to rest on her shoulders. "Let's just take a deep breath and calm down." he suggested. "We'll go to the event tonight and have a good time. All the details can be worked out later."

Erin nodded. "Just let me get some shoes."

"Not too high, okay?"

/

The night was going rather well. It was Erin's first social event since she got home from treatment. At first she stuck close to her husband before getting her footing and venturing out to reconnect with friends and acquittances on her own. It was when a waiter came toward her with a serving tray of champagne that David Rossi stepped between them. "No thank you." he quickly told the young man. "Erin, it's good to see you."

"What have you done wrong in my absence, Dave?"

"Nothing."

Erin smirked. "You're not usually this...welcoming."

"Oh, come on. I know we're not friends but we're certainly not enemies." he said. "Besides you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Oh, is that what they say?" she arched her defined eyebrow. "When the cat is away the mouse will play seems to be more fitting."

"I've been on my best behavior."

"I've heard." she replied. "Aaron has been keeping me up to date on everything. Must have been difficult for you without anyone there to keep you in line."

David shrugged. "I managed." he said. "You look great by the way. Taking a sabbatical seems to agree with you."

"Hmm." she sighed. "We both know there was more to it than that."

"It's none of my business." he knew. Not many people knew about her entrance into rehab but he was one of the few. "Would you care to dance?"

Erin glanced to where Grant was on the other side of the room and then back to David. "Sure why not." she took his hand. "Maybe I can figure out your motive."

"Motive?"

"For being so cordial."

"I didn't know it was a crime to be cordial to a beautiful woman." he told her. "Especially when that woman is your boss." He reached for her hand. "Just to warn you I'm not that great at the waltz."

"Simplest dance in the world."

"Would it be too awkward if I asked you to lead?"

"Incredibly." she replied. "Besides you're doing fine."

David's hand slipped down to the small of her back, pulling her toward him a little more. The firmness of her lower abdomen pushed against him. Erin stiffened and pulled back without breaking their dance steps. "It's not the tango." she told him. "We don't have to be that close."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You're pregnant."

She looked up at him. "So that was the reason for the dance." she started to pull away but he held onto her. "I knew you were up to something."

"My curiosity got the best of me." he admitted. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." she replied, flatly.

"Oh." he breathed out. "A surprise I take it?"

"I'm not discussing this with you, David."

"You don't have to." he told her. "Your eyes say so much. They always have."

"Do you know something you shouldn't?"

David chuckled. "I know lots of things I shouldn't."

They continued to dance in silence. He wasn't as bad of a dancer as he initially lead on. Either that or he was a quick study. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Erin looked up at him. "Thank you, but no." she replied. "There's nothing to talk about. We both know where I was. The only thing that matters now is that I'm back. I'll be in the office on Monday morning."

/

The screeching of tires rang out loudly and then an ungodly racket of metal against metal. Glass shattered. An SUV had plowed into the side of the congressman's limo. Grant's instincts had been quick, pushing Erin as far toward the other side of the car as he could, his body shielding hers.

tbc...


	5. Chapter 5

Into the Grey

The sirens had started. A faint ringing at first but as they raced to the accident scene they became louder and louder, drawing Erin back into the land of consciousness.

"Erin." she could hear a male voice, but she couldn't place it. Strong hands were pulling at her. "It's me, David. Can you hear me?"

"David." she groaned. "What happened?"

"You've been in a car accident." he told her. "Are you hurt?" he was throughly looking her over. There were small cuts from flying glass on her face and arms but nothing that looked severe. "Does anything hurt?"

Her eyes were quickly drawn to Grant. He had received the bulk of the injury. And there was blood. Not too much, but enough to cause panic. "Grant." she immediately reached out for him. Fear filled her voice when he didn't respond to her. "Grant!"

"Help is coming." David assured her. She was squirming out of his grasp, trying desperately to trying to get to her husband. "No, we shouldn't move him." he told her. "We need to wait for the EMT's. Let's get you out of here." he told her. "Do you think you can stand?"

Erin nodded, tears silently running down her face as David helped her out of the car and onto the street. "I don't want to leave him."

"We're going to be right here. We're not going to leave him." he assured her. "We need to focus on you for a minute, okay? Does anything hurt?"

"Not really." she replied. "I hit my head a little on the door, but it's okay."

He slid her fallen dress strap back up on her shoulder. His hand moved to her lower abdomen. "And the baby?"

Erin's hand came to rest overtop of his. "I think the baby's okay."

"How far along are you?"

"Fifteen weeks." she replied. "I haven't felt much movement yet." she leaned into him, feeling lightheaded from all the chaos.

"It's okay, Erin, I've got you."

"I need you to call Aaron." she said, softly. "Tell him what happened. Have him meet us at the hospital."

"Yeah, of course, whatever you need."

/

Aaron rushed into the emergency department. "I'm looking for Erin Collins." he told the first staff member he came to. "The congressman's wife from the car accident." he was quickly led back into the room where he found David standing guard. "How is she?" he asked.

"She's physically okay." he replied. "She's pregnant and worried about the baby."

He nodded. "Doctor with her?"

"Yes."

Aaron let himself into the room without as much as a knock. She immediately reached out for him. "Oh, thank God." he breathed out, taking her hand tightly in his. "Are you okay?" he looked over the cuts on her face, the blood on her dress.

"Yes." she replied. "They're going to do an ultrasound to make sure everything looks okay."

They watched in silence as the doctor got the ultrasound machine prepped. The nurse bunched the flowing fabric on Erin's dress, exposing her slightly rounded stomach, covering her lower body with the sheet. Everything seemed to be going so incredibly slow. And then finally a loud, strong heartbeat echoed throughout the room. They both immediately relaxed, Erin letting out the breath she had been holding since she was alert enough to realize what was going on.

"Everything looks perfect." the doctor told them. "We're going to do some blood work as a precaution and the nurse is going to get you cleaned up."

"Thank you." Erin said through tears. She leaned back on the bed and took a few deep breathes. "I'm so glad the baby's okay."

"I'm glad you're both okay. Can I get you anything?" he asked. "Anything at all?"

"Can you check on Grant?" she asked. "They were taking him for a CT scan. The doctors had me sign some forms of consent incase they had to operate right away."

Aaron brought her hand up to his lips and lightly kissed the back. "Do you want me to send David in so you don't have to be alone?"

"Please." those were words she never thought she would say when it came to David Rossi. "I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't there."

"Let's not think about that, okay. Positive thoughts." he told her. "Where are your children?"

"They're with Mary, Grant's mother." she told him. "David called my brother in law. I was concerned about the news coverage."

"I'll go see if I can find something out about Grant and I'll be back soon, okay?"

Erin nodded. "Thank you, Aaron."

/

The nurse had finished cleaning up Erin's wounds. Luckily she only extracted three pieces of glass. The burn of the antiseptic only paling in comparison to what could have been. David sat quietly in a blue plastic chair on the opposite wall. He wasn't sure what exactly his role was but she wanted him there and he was happy to oblige her.

"What do you need, Erin?" he asked her. "Anything at all. Just say the words and I'll do my best to make it happen."

"Time travel." she replied softly. "God, this is such a nightmare."

He pulled his chair closer to the side of the bed. "You know that I would if I could."

She smiled briefly. "I know." she told him. "This is just too much. Rehab, the pregnancy, now this."

"You and Grant will get through this." he tried to assure her. "Together."

Aaron knocked on the slightly open door and then pushed it open to enter. Erin's eyes immediately searched his. "What is it?" she asked. "How's Grant?"

"He's in surgery." he closed the door behind him and made his way over to her bed."The doctors are trying to reduce the swelling on his brain."

"Oh, God." she gasped, tears immediately flooding her eyes. "His brain?"

He sat down facing her on the bed. He could feel himself swallowing hard. "He's suffered a head injury that caused increased fluid into his brain." he wanted to give her the facts as straight forward as he could. "The doctors are very hopeful. It was caught very quickly and he's receiving the best possible care."

Erin collapsed into tears. Traumatic brain injury almost never had a good outcome. Events of the Gala flooded her. They were dancing together not even an hour before and in the blink of an eye everything was altered.

tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

Into the Grey

The patterned carpet in the private waiting room was a welcomed distraction. It gave Erin something to focus on as she paced back and forth across the floor. The minutes seemed to be dragging on and on. She didn't know how much more she could possibly take. A few members of Grant's staff and some politicians had been to check on her but she had politely declined their offers of coffee and sweets.

"Chief Strauss?" Erin looked up to see one of her younger agents standing before her. Not only did he work at the bureau but he often moonlighted for the Collins when a security detail was needed. "I brought you some Iced Tea. I know it calms your stomach. And not to worry it's decaffeinated."

She accepted his offering. "Thank you, Hayden."

He couldn't help but notice the cuts on her face. The blood on her dress. "Were you injured?"

"Superficially."

"The baby?"

"Baby's fine." she told him. "I had an ultrasound a few hours ago."

"That's good."

She took a sip of the drink. The perfect amount of sweetness. "Who's going to supply my tea needs when you move on?"

Hayden shrugged. "I'm comfortable where I am." he told her. "I like working for you."

"You're a good agent you don't need to be stuck behind a desk like me." she told him. "You have a lot more to offer the FBI."

"I appreciate that, ma'am."

Erin smiled. "Thanks for coming." she told him. "Everyone's been hovering over me, treating me like glass."

"They're concerned."

She nodded her agreement. "This isn't how I expected the night to turn out." she told him through tears. "And it doesn't look good."

"We have to keep the faith, right?"

"Right."

"Would you like me to look in on your children?"

"Could you?" she asked. "I would feel a lot better knowing that you were on the property."

"Of course, ma'am." he told her. "Whatever you need."

/

Erin made her way over to the hospital bed, ever so careful not to disturb any of the cords and tubes connected to her husband. Surgery had went surprisingly well. He was labeled critical stable. A bullshit term if you asked Erin. But he was breathing on his own which was a very good sign.

She pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down next to him. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you to fight, Grant." both of her hands encompassed his. "I can't lose you like this."

A small smile played on his lips. "Life never goes how we planned it, love."

Fresh tears sprung forth in her eyes. "Grant." she whispered. "You're going to be okay."

"You know what I love most about you, well one of things?" his voice was low and weak. "Your unwavering faith in me."

"Someone had to be the backbone for all those elections."

Grant smiled fleetingly. "That's my girl." he replied. "Forever my optimist."

"You don't always appreciate that about me."

"Because sometimes you have to be realistic." he told her. "And now is one of those times, love."

Erin took a deep breath, forcing the tears to stay at bay. "I'm not giving up on you."

"I'm not asking you to." he told her. "Are you hurt?." he looked her over the best he could. "Is the baby okay?"

She nodded. "We're fine."

"Where are the children?"

"With your mother." she told him. "I wouldn't let them come."

"I don't want them here. I don't want them to see me like this."

"They love you."

"And I love them." he told her. "This is no place for them. I don't want this to be the way they remember me."

"Remember you?" she questioned him. "You're wake and lucid, everything is going as planned." hot tears started rolling down her cheeks. "You're going to recover."

"I'm so glad you're okay." he said. "And the baby."

"Because you protected us." she said. "You always protect me, even if you get hurt in the process."

"I would do it again in a heartbeat." his words were honest and full of love. "Despite everything that's happened between us in the past twenty years I wouldn't change a thing. I love you."

Erin pressed a kiss to his hand. "I love you, too."

/

The world had stopped. All the air had left her lungs and she was slowly drowning inside her own head. Twenty minutes ago she and Grant were talking. Everything was looking so good. And then his speech started to slur. His vitals plummeted and he coded right before her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Collins." the tall, lean, older doctor repeated. "There was blood clot that went to his brain. It caused a massive stroke. He went very quick and wasn't in any pain."

All she could do was nod. His words echoing in her head like a skipping record. And yet she still seemed to be holding her breath. Aaron immediately reached out for her, pulling her into him as sobs overtook her.

"Just breathe." he instructed her. "Just keep breathing."

It was all she could do to draw in a breath and then release it. Time seemed to have stopped. The man she had loved for the past twenty years no longer existed. She was left without her best friend, her children without their father. She didn't know how she could face them. How she could face any of it.

"Grant was an organ donor." she finally said. "If anything is viable..."

"Yes, ma'am." the doctor said. "You'll have to sign some forms."

/

The proper forms had been signed. Her husband's organs had been harvested. Now he was just an empty shell in the morgue. All the life from a loving, caring, brilliant, man was gone. Over. Just like that.

David shrugged his tuxedo jacket off and draped it around her shoulders. She looked up at him. Her eyes red and puffy, heavy eye makeup almost completely gone. "Thank you."

He knelt down in front of her. "I'm so sorry, Erin."

"Yeah, me too."

He retrieved a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at her cheeks. "Grant was a good man." he told her. "Something rare to find in a politician. If there's anything I can do for you, anything at all, just say the words."

"I want to get out of here." she told him. "Where's Aaron?"

"He's finishing up with the press." he replied. "Kurt couldn't...Aaron stepped in and volunteered." he said, referring to the congressman's press agent. "You want to go home?"

"No." she breathed out. "I can't go home to my children. Not like this, not covered in their father's blood."

He nodded in understanding. "When Aaron's done I can drive you to my house and you can get showered and changed."

/

The ride to David's was a somber one. Not even the slight humming of the car radio broke the silence. Instead it was like a sad orchestra narrating the events of the night. He led them inside through the garage entrance. "My bedroom is straight up the stairs to the left." he said. "Help yourself to anything you need. I'll see if I can find something for you to wear."

Erin simply nodded her appreciation. "Come with me?" she asked Hotchner.

"Of course." Aaron replied. He and Dave exchanged a questioning glance with him that Aaron quickly down played as he followed her up the stairs. He closed the bedroom door behind them. "I'll turn the shower on for you." he said, heading for the bathroom.

Erin caught sight of herself in a fill length mirror, her hand automatically drawn to the blood on her dress. It felt as though it was the only thing she had left of her husband.

"Erin?" he called out. "Need any help?"

She looked from the mirror to the bathroom. Grant had said those words to her when she was getting ready for the evening. "Could you zip me up?" the words tumbled out in a low whisper as though she was reliving the event.

Aaron came out of the bathroom. "Erin?"

She moved toward him. "Can you unzip me?"

He unzipped the back of her dress. "I didn't know how warm you wanted the water." he told her. "Do you need anything else?"

"No." she replied. "Thank you."

"I'll be downstairs if you need anything." he told her. "Just take your time."

/

David was making himself a drink when Aaron came into the livingroom. "I found a pair of silk pajamas." he motioned over to the back of the sofa. "She doing okay?"

"Considering." he replied. "I think she's still in shock."

"Drink?" he offered.

"No thanks."

David sat down in the leather arm chair. "Can I ask you a question?"

Aaron shrugged. "Sure."

"What the hell is going on between the two of you?"

tbc...

The feedback is very appreciated! And encouraged. I know it's a cliche story but sometimes I like cliche.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the wonderful feedback. And the favorites and follows. This chapter is a bit of filler. Next chapter will jump forward in time a bit.

Into the Grey

"On second thought I will take that drink." Aaron crossed the room to the dry bar. "It's been one hell of a night."

"You're deflecting."

He took the top of the bottle of gin. "Erin's had a rough couple of months." he replied. "Before what happened tonight."

Rossi shook his head. "No, it's more than that."

He crossed the room to sit on the sofa. "I helped her check into treatment, Dave. I've been there for her these past few months."

"And you've gotten close." he took a sip of his drink. "Really close."

"We're friends."

"Oh, come on, Hotch." he said. "She asked for you immediately after the accident. You've barely left her side all night."

"What are you getting at?"

David was silent for several long moments. "You're sleeping with her."

Aaron just shook his head. "You've got in all wrong, Dave." he told him. "We're just friends. And her husband did _just_ die."

"They were on the verge of separating before she went into treatment." he said matter of fact. "Things have been rocky for a while." he studied his friend closely. "You shouldn't be so surprised, I am a profiler after all."

"Well, you're wrong on this one." he sat his glass down on the cocktail table. "I'm going to check on Erin." he got up and headed for the stairs. "I hope you're not going to railroad a grieving widow with these types of questions."

"I would probably get more straight forward answers out of her."

/

Erin pulled David's plush robe over her shoulders and tied it loosely above the swell of her abdomen. There was something about warm water rushing over her that was not only cleansing but comforting as well. She felt refreshed, as refreshed as she could be in the situation, and ready to face her children.

There was a slight knock on the bathroom door. "Are you okay?"

Erin pulled the door open. "Fine." she told him. "I'm feeling...a little better. It's less foggy."

"Do you want to rest?" he asked her. "Just take a few minutes to re-energize? I know that you're pretty high on adrenaline right now."

"It's starting to dissipate." she said, softly. "I just feel so numb."

"You're still in shock." he pushed a lock of wet hair out of her face. "Don't rush anything. There's no set way to handle any of this."

She found her way into his arms, she felt like burrowing as far down into his embrace as she possibly could. She just wanted to be able to breathe easily without anyone's expectations or judgement of her. And, God, she wanted to feel something other than heart wrenching anguish.

Her lips sought out his. And she sighed in relief against his bottom lip when he returned her gesture instead of pushing her away. The kisses that came next were slow and tender and comforting.

"I'm sorry." she apologized, easing back from him. "I just needed...something...to feel human I guess."

"No apologies necessary." he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm here for you, always. You know that."

"I do." she said. "But not to take advantage of. I never want you to feel obligated, Aaron. This is a delicate situation we're in and we still have a lot to figure out."

"And in time we will." he assured her. "Right now though we need to focus on you. Why don't you rest for a while." he suggested. "It's three in the morning. I've spoken to your mother in law, the kids are sleeping. You should sleep too."

There was a slight knock on the ajar bedroom door. "I found some pajamas." David announced, pushing the door open. "Might be a little big."

Erin graciously took them from his hand. "There's more of me these days so they'll probably be fine." she told him. "Thank you."

"Why don't you sleep in here." he suggested. "I'll go to one of the guest rooms."

"I don't want to take your bedroom." she argued. "That wouldn't be fair."

David shook his head. "I'll think you'll be more comfortable in here." he told her. "I'll be right down the hall if you need anything."

Sleep surprisingly came easily for Erin. Between her adrenaline crashing and the tiredness from her pregnancy she quickly drifted off into nothingness. And it helped having Aaron next to her. She somehow felt safer. Comforted by his presence. Then steadiness of his hand lightly holding hers.

/

David looked up from his cup of coffee to see Erin coming into the kitchen. "Up already?"

"I could ask you the same thing." she said, sitting down on the stool next to him at the island.

He slid his cup over to her. "It's decaf."

"You've gone soft." she took a sip of the warm liquid. "Hazelnut?"

He nodded. "I've gotten old."

"Your type doesn't get old, David."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

She took another sip of coffee. "I meant it as one."

"Hungry?"

"Not really."

"You should probably eat something." he suggested. "If not for you then for the baby." he told her. "Let me make you something."

"Nothing heavy." she agreed.

"How about some toast and fruit?" he asked. "Fruit is good for the baby, right?"

Erin nodded. "Yes."

David put the bread in the toaster oven and then pulled out a cutting board and a knife. "When is the baby due?"

"December 22nd."

His plucked an orange out of the bowl of fruit behind him on the counter. "Just in time for Christmas." he said. "Do you know the gender?"

"Not yet." she replied. "My next appointment is in three weeks. We're suppose to find out then."

The knife slid through the orange, effortlessly. "Your kids excited?"

Erin laughed. "Horrified." she told him. "My youngest not so much. Grace, however, is completely disgusted by the whole thing."

He went back to the toast, pulling it from the oven and placing it on a plate. "And Dashiell?"

She shrugged. "He's a teenage boy. If it doesn't involve sports and video games he's not that interested."

"Babies have a way of bringing the best out in everyone." he placed the orange slices on the plate with the toast. "Bon appetite."

"Thank you."

"Butter or jam?" he asked, opening the refrigerator door.

"Both."

"A girl after my own heart." he sat the butter dish and the jar of jam down on the counter in front of her. "Milk?"

"No thanks. I'll drink the rest of your girlie coffee."

David chuckled as he sat back down beside her. "You wound me, bella."

"Someone has to." she took a bite of an orange slice. "May as well be me. Besides you're a good distraction. You always have been."

"Glad I could be of service."

"You've really been helpful." she told him. "You've kept me grounded so far this morning. You're not treating me like glass and you have no idea how much I appreciate that."

"I'm just taking your lead." he said. "Aaron still sleeping?"

She nodded. "I didn't want to wake him." she replied. "He's really been there for me the past few months. I don't know what I would do without him. Especially now that..." she let her words fall away.

"You're not alone, Erin." he assured her. "I know that our past is...rocky...at best. But I think you'll find that I make a pretty good ally."

tbc...


	8. Chapter 8

Into the Grey

It had three weeks since Erin had buried her husband. And a small part of her as well. She was still adjusting. Adjusting to not seeing his face everyday, not receiving the random text, or late night phone call as he drove home from the office. But her heart still ached for him, for the father of her children, for her best friend.

Erin glanced down at the sonogram in her hand, her perfect little baby was thriving inside of her and it brought her a sense of peace and comfort that she couldn't put into words. She knew that Grant was looking out after her, after them.

As the car approached the stoplight Aaron looked over at her in the passengers seat. "Happy?"

"Incredibly." she replied. "You're not disappointed are you?"

"What? No. Why would I be disappointed?" he asked. "The baby is healthy and so are you. That's all that matters."

"Yes, but I know you were hoping for a girl."

"A girl would have been nice." he admitted. "But so is a boy. I have lots of experience with boys. I am one. I have a younger brother and Jack. Familiar territory."

Erin laughed. "Girls are hard. And all the drama that comes along with them is unbearable at times." she told him. "Consider yourself lucky." she teased. "Since I'm starting over a boy seems like the best option."

Aaron drove through the stoplight. "Silver linings are everywhere." he laughed. "How about lunch to celebrate and maybe this weekend we can do a little shopping?" he suggested. "He'll be here before you know it and he'll need clothes and things."

"Okay." she agreed. "Do you still have Jack's crib?"

"Crib, changing table, the whole nine yards." he replied. "It's in storage at my moms."

"Good because my baby stuff is long gone." she told him. "Looks like we'll be taking a trip to Pottery Barn."

"You just look for excuses to go in there, don't you?"

Erin laughed. "This one is valid."

"Okay but I if I have to suffer through Pottery Barn then I get to go to the Lego store."

"Deal." she agreed. "Are you going to tell Jack in person?"

"I'm going to get him one of those cupcakes with the thick blue icing." he told her. "He's pretty excited about being a big brother. I'm pretty sure the idea of a brother over a sister will thrill him."

"Dashiell was so upset when I brought Olivia home from the hospital." she laughed as she thought about the past. "He was convinced that the doctor had made a mistake and that she was really a boy. It all worked out in the end though."

"Maybe we should tell them all together." he suggested. "There's power in numbers, you know."

"Yeah and they've got us beat by two."

Over the past few weeks they had tried their best to get the children to spend time together. It was still a rough for Erin's children adjusting to life without their dad and Aaron in no way wanted them to feel like he was stepping into that position. But everyone was trying. And so far they were meeting their goal of having one meal together a week. The rest would fall together in time.

Erin's phone buzzed and she looked down at the name that appeared on the screen. "It's David." she told him. "He wants to know how the appointment went."

Erin and David had gotten friendlier over the past few weeks. And while he wasn't jealous, he wasn't completely comfortable with the situation either. David was one of his best friends, but Erin was the mother of his unborn child and that trumped everything.

"Something wrong, Aaron?"

"Have you told him..."

"No." she quickly replied. "Of course not. I figured that it would be your place to tell him."

"It's just as much your place as it is mine."

"The two of you are close." she pointed out. "He's one of your best friends."

"I think he might already know." he finally said. "He suspects something is going on between us, at least. Besides I don't want this to be a big secret. It shouldn't be a secret. There's no reason to hide it. I'm incredibly happy."

"I would still feel better about it if you told him."

They had agreed to have this baby together, to co-parent. The idea of their relationship being anything more friendship never came up. There was no romance to be had. But Aaron was still fiercely protective of her and she needed him, his support and his comfort, and nothing would ever change that.

 _Everything went well. It's a boy. -_ Erin typed back.

 _Congrats! Free for dinner tomorrow?_

 _Possibly_

 _My world famous lasagna?_

 _Definitely free_

 _6?_

 _See you then._

 _/_

Aaron knocked on Dave's open office door. "You have a minute?"

David looked up from his paperwork. "Sure." he laid his pen down on the desk. "What's up?"

He closed the door behind him and walked the three steps over to the chair. "It's about Erin."

"Something wrong?" he asked. "Erin said her appointment went well."

"It went very well." he sat down in the chair. "Both Erin and the baby are healthy."

"That's a really good thing." he said. "But I can't help but think there's something else you want to tell me."

"The baby is mine."

David nodded slowly. He had always known something was up between Hotch and Erin but he couldn't seem to put his finger on it. "Then I guess...Congratulations." he said. "That's excellent news."

"Thank you." he smiled. "It was a big surprise but we're really excited."

David couldn't help the grin that pulled at the corners of his lips. "So I was right about the affair."

Aaron shook his head. "There's no affair." he replied. "It's complicated."

"You knocked our boss up from a one night stand?"

"There was more to it than that." he tried to explain himself, why he wasn't sure. "I care about Erin and we're going to do this together."

"I know you care about her." he told him. "It's evident when you're with her. Question is do you love her?"

"Of course I do." he replied immediately. "We're always going to be connected by our son."

"But the two of you aren't together?" he clarified. "You're not building a relationship?"

"No." he said. "Erin and I are friends. We're both committed to raising this baby together and with his siblings."

"Do the children know?"

"Yes." he answered. "It was easier for me with Jack than it was for her children, they actually understand what happened. Erin has been open and up front with them from the very beginning. It's been an adjustment but things are going well."

"Sounds like the two of you have it all figured out."

"Far from." he replied. "We're just taking things as they come right now."

David was silent for several long moments. It was as though he was taking everything in. He was struggling to bog down his feelings. He was taken aback how strong they still were after all these years. "I don't understand why you're telling me all of this."

"Because we're friends and there's no reason to hide it." he told him. "Besides you and Erin have history."

He nodded in agreement. "And that's exactly what it is. History."

tbc...

Feedback is welcome and appreciated.


	9. Chapter 9

Into the Grey

An intoxicating smell of fresh herbs and vegetables flooded her senses as soon as Erin stepped inside David's house. He loved to cook and when he was in the mood he created masterpieces, not just dinner. From the Caprese salad right down to the Italian bread, he left nothing untouched. He even made his own vinaigrette.

"I hope you're hungry." he placed a loaf of bread on the cooling rack. "I got a little carried away."

"A little?"

"Mmm." he sighed. "You know I love being in the kitchen."

"Do you need any help?"

"Everything is taken care of." he replied. "The bread is cooling, the cheese on the lasagna is starting to bubble. And just wait until you see what I have for dessert."

"You never fail to impress."

"We have about twenty minutes until it's ready." he took her hand and led her toward the patio. "Plenty of time to relax."

"You certainly are in a wonderful mood."

He sat down on the double lounger. His eyes traveled over the curve of her stomach. The last time he had seen her there was only small rise in her abdomen and now it was most certainly unmistakable."Always." She arched an eyebrow. "Mostly." he amended. "Come on, join me."

Erin sat down next to him. And she had to admit it did feel damn good to just sit and relax. There was something about him that brought her a sense of peace since the car accident. He certainly never made her feel that way before. "So to what do I owe the honor?"

"Honor?"

"This big elaborate dinner."

"I thought we were friends." he told her. "And friends do nice things for each other."

"We're friends?"

"Aren't we?"

She shrugged. "Come on, we're civil at best."

"We happen to disagree on some things." he said. "A lot of things. But that doesn't mean I don't respect you. And I know that respect works both ways."

"So you do pay attention."

David smiled. "Even when people think I'm not."

Erin rubbed her hand under the left side of her abdomen. "I'll have to remember that."

"Something wrong?" he asked, gesturing to her stomach.

"No." she replied. "He's just moving."

"It's not too early for that?"

"It's my fourth." she replied. "I've felt him move for almost a month now."

"Can I feel?"

Erin was a bit taken aback by his request, but quickly recovered. "Sure." she reached for his hand and held it overtop of where she felt the kicks. "It's still subtle from the outside."

After a few moments David felt some slight movement. "Wow, I definitely felt that.' he noticed that her ring finger still held her wedding rings.

"He's moving more and more everyday." she replied. "Which is good, it means he's getting stronger."

His hand lingered over her abdomen. "Have the two of you discussed baby names yet?"

"Two of us?"

"Yeah, I talked to Aaron yesterday afternoon." there was no delicate way to bring it up.

"Oh."

Silence lingered between them, he pulled his hand away from her. "He didn't go into any detail, don't worry." he told her. "Just that he was the father and the two of you were going to raise the baby together."

Erin nodded. "And that satisfied you?"

"Sure."

"David."

"Look you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." he told her. "I'm not trying to invade your privacy, either of you. I just don't understand...I don't know." he trailed off. "How did this happen, Erin?"

For some reason she felt the need to explain. And why she had no clue. Maybe it was the sadness that tinged her voice. Maybe she was trying to protect her image. Or Aaron's. All of the above. "It was just one night." she confessed. "The night before I went into treatment."

"Were you sober?"

She was surprised at how much his words hurt. A valid question but residual stinging nonetheless."It wasn't like that. It wasn't some dirty, sloppy, drunken hookup, David. Give him more credit than that." she told him. "Give me more credit than that."

"So he took advantage of your vulnerability?"

"Of course not!" she defended Aaron. "Do you really think he would do something like that?" she asked. "He's got more integrity than the both of us put together."

David shrugged in agreement. "What exactly happened then?"

"Aaron knew that I was struggling with something. I had asked him to help me oversee some departments. He asked if I wanted to talk about it and I refused. I left him in my office." she explained. "I called him a few hours later and he came to the hotel bar. We talked, had dinner, talked some more and then he took me to my room. And it just happened and it felt right at the time. I don't regret it."

"How could you?" he asked. "There's a child."

"Even if there wasn't."

"Can you see yourself with Aaron?"

"He's tall, dark haired, and handsome. Storybook Prince Charming." she told him. "He's also good friend. And an excellent father."

"I'm going to take that as a no."

"Another place, another time, maybe things could have been different." she confessed. "Maybe we could have built something."

"Just like you and me."

Erin chuckled. "Not quite." she replied. "Aaron and I actually could have had something."

"And we couldn't?"

"Our ship has sailed, David."

"It couldn't have." he disagreed. "It never left the marina."

"And maybe that was for the best, huh?" she asked. "You had a few more wives and became a famous author. Grant and I got married and had children. We both built really good lives apart, David."

"But just think of the life we could have built together."

"We would have destroyed each other." she told him. "Our personal life would have hurt our professional lives and vice versa."

"Was our past really that bad?" he asked. "That you're just willing to forget it altogether?"

"I never said that." she replied. "Its just that it's been a long time, David."

He nodded in agreement. "Will you at least answer a question for me?"

"If I can."

"The night before you went to rehab...Why Aaron?" he asked. "Why didn't you call me?"

tbc...

Thanks so much for the feedback!


	10. Chapter 10

Into the Grey

David placed the last plate in the dishwasher. "You know earlier when we were out on the patio you never answered my question."

Erin leaned up against the sink. "I thought it was rhetoric."

"You know damn well it wasn't." he closed the dishwasher and turned it on. "I was completely serious."

"Fine." she agreed. "Aaron was the safer option."

He ran his hand over rounded abdomen. "Define safer."

Erin smirked at him. "Touche." she replied. "Aaron was already in the loop. It was easier to reach out to him. And yes he was the safer option, emotionally speaking."

"I would have supported you, Erin." he told her. "I would have been there with you and for you."

She nodded in agreement. "Had I called you I know where it would have led. The same place it always leads with us."

"And yet it led there with Aaron."

"It was different with him." she confessed. "Slow and sensual. You and I have never really done that, David."

He fell silent.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Not what you wanted to hear? You really shouldn't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Now you answer a question for me." she told him. "What was the point of this evening?"

"I just wanted to spend some time with you." he confessed. "I wanted to show you that I can be a good friend too. And that there doesn't have to be any ulterior motives."

"Like that night at the Gala?"

"That wasn't an ulterior motive." he assured her. "That was curiosity. When you were talking to the Governor and Grant excused himself to get the two of you a drink his hand slid across your abdomen. I put two and two together. And I assumed, naturally, that the baby was his."

"Grant knew that the baby was Aaron's." she said. "I was very open and honest with both of them about the pregnancy. Grant supported my decision. We had been talking about separation and divorce since before I made the decision to go into treatment."

"And after treatment?"

"We decided to transition slowly into divorce." she told him. "It's difficult to just up and leave a twenty year relationship. There was so much at stake, most importantly our children, but our well-beings, and our careers as well. And I feel so incredibly guilty, David. Whilst I wanted a new start without Grant, I didn't...I never pictured it turning out quite like this."

David reached for her, pulling her into his arms and letting her burrow into his warm, comforting embrace. "I can't imagine how hard this had been for you." he whispered. "For your children. But you're one of the strongest women I know and that you're going to get through this. Not without bumps and bruises and scars along the way, but you're going to come out on the other side."

She let the tears roll freely down her cheeks. "I'm not even sure where the other side is right now."

He gently rubbed her back. "There's still a lot of darkness right now, but the light will come. And you're not alone in any of this. I'm a phone call away as is Aaron, obviously."

"Maybe you're not such a bad friend after all."

"With over twenty years of history behind us not all of it can be bad." he dropped a kiss into her hair. "We just have to rebuild a little bit that's all."

/

The moment Aaron keyed himself into his apartment he knew that she was there. The light scent of her perfume floated through the air. He placed his briefcase and keys down at the entry table and made his way into the livingroom, loosening his tie as he went.

He looked down to find her asleep on the sofa. Blonde hair fanned out over his dark pillows. "Sleeping beauty." he said, leaning forward and pressed a quick kiss against her lips.

Erin rolled over onto her back. "What time is it?"

"Almost midnight." he said. "Why aren't you sleeping in the bed?"

"I dosed off after getting Jack to sleep." she told him. "Jessica wasn't feeling well. She called me this evening when I was on my way home from dropping the kids off with their aunt and uncle." she pushed herself up into a sitting position. "How did it go in Kansas?"

"We got lucky." he offered up. "Only took about sixteen hours to catch the guy."

"Excellent work, Agent Hotchner."

"I thought so, but I'm exhausted." he stood up. "What do you say we get some sleep?"

She picked her cell phone up off the cocktail table. "I was sleeping until you interrupted me."

He started down the hallway to the bedrooms. "You would have hated me in the morning when you had back pain."Aaron pushed the door open to Jack's room and found his son sleeping peacefully.

Erin came up behind him and wrapped her arm around his waist. "He's a wonderful little boy." she said. "You should be proud."

"I am." he smiled. "After Haley I didn't now if we were going to get through it, but here we are on the other side. He's happy and healthy and thriving."

"You left out incredibly smart, funny, and absolutely adorable." she told him. "We had an at length discussion about different types of dinosaurs and their habitats over dinner."

"Did he suggest the names Titan and Rex for the baby?"

"Oh at least twice."

His hand slipped down into hers. "Thanks for being here with him."

"Anytime." she led him further down the hall and into the master bedroom. "And I mean that, Aaron, all you have to do is ask. I want Jack to be apart of my family too even though you and I are not romantically involved."

"You don't know how much I appreciate that."

"Yeah, I do actually." she told him. "I want my children to have a stable environment too. It's all I've ever wanted for them."

Aaron shuffled through his dresser until he came across the pair of green pajamas he was looking for. "Well lucky for them I think the two of us can provide that for them." he gave her the pajamas. "We make a pretty good team."

"At least at home."

"And sometimes at the office."

Erin started turning down the bed. "Hopefully we can find more common ground in the future."

He smiled at her. "I seriously doubt that."

They had completed their nighttime rituals and comfortably settled into bed. Aaron's hand gravitated to the swell of her stomach, pushing soft cotton out of the way, and sliding over taunt skin. "How was your date?"

"Date?" she arched her eyebrow. And he knew she did even in the darkness of the room.

"Mmm." he sighed. "With Dave."

"That was not a date." she insisted. "He's a friend."

"Are you sure that's all?"

"Well that's more than we've ever been before." she told him. "And besides with the kids and the baby I just don't know if I'm up for another relationship so soon. Grant hasn't been gone all that long."

"Life is short, Erin." he said, softly. "You and I know that all too well. We all deserve to be happy."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that if you think you have any kind of future with David you owe it to yourself to see what happens."

"I don't know." she sighed. "I come with a ton of baggage these days."

"Don't we all." he agreed. "That's not a valid excuse though. Grant would want you to be happy. I know he would."

"I'm still grieving him." she confessed. "I don't know if I'll ever stop."

"We're not meant to. We just need to find away to deal with it and keep living our lives. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made after Haley died." he explained. "Nothing is guaranteed and love is most definitely worth the risk."

"You think I could love David?"

"No." he replied. "I know you already do. The way the two of you battle there has to be something more than adversity between the two of you. You just have to decide what you want to do about it."

"I feel like your pushing him toward David." she said. "What if I think you and I are the better option?"

tbc...


End file.
